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Ideal for: reformed drug addicts
Job specifications: Mortar’s a good thing, literally the building block of
civilization—it’s making it that’s a bummer. Your job is to gather chalk or
oyster shells, throw them into the kiln, and let them burn till they produce
fatal levels of carbon monoxide. (Yes, the same gas that people use to kill
themselves in their car garages.) Then you open the oven, take out the cake
of quicklime, throw it into water, and pray that you don’t get splattered by
the caustic specks of lime.
Drawbacks. Now here’s the deal. Inhale too much carbon dioxide, and your
brain shuts down and you can’t move. Which means you inhale even more, and
then you suffocate, and then you die. Survive that, and you face
third-degree burns. Just another day at the office!
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